If you want kids, you’ve probably thought about how many you want to have. Maybe you’re of the mindset that you’ll stop having babies when your family feels complete. Or maybe, you have a predetermined number in your head that you will not waiver on, no matter what. Either way, at some point you have to decide if you want to start trying for number two…. unless you’re chill with one.
We had sort of decided more or less, that we would have 2 kids (hopefully). And then we’d call it. We weren’t going to keep trying for a girl or a boy, we don’t want to have to buy a bigger house or a (much) bigger vehicle. It was one for each hand, or one for each parent. On our drive home from the hospital with Callahan; me crying in the front seat because I was too far away from him, I looked at Tyler and said “so you’re good with 2 right?”. He agreed.
The next thing you have to figure out is when. When is the right time to have a second one? Is there a right time? No, there isn’t. Is there a wrong time? Probably. I certainly didn’t want Irish twins. Nothing about that seems appealing. Thankfully (not so thankfully) I had very little desire to make any more babies. It was the furthest thing from my mind.
We debated with trying to get pregnant before I even got back to work. But I didn’t want to do that. I wanted a chance to get back into the swing of things at work (it was like riding a rusty tricycle with no seat). I wanted to lose more weight. (HAHAHAHAHAHA) I wanted to enjoy the summer, and the weddings that we were attending.
We agreed we’d start trying again in September- roughly translating to a June(ish) baby if things went hunky dory the first time around. When we didn’t get pregnant, neither of us was really disappointed. It was a weird feeling, almost like relief. Like okay, we can keep on doing what we’re doing. I mean, were we really ready to toss a hand-grenade into our lives? Everyone was finally sleeping…. What if we don’t like the next kid as much as we like Callahan? How can you love 2 kids the same as you love one? I honestly sometimes think my heart is going to explode with only one kid. I’m not sure I could handle the emotional stress (good stress, but still) of loving 2 kids. OMG!!!
I made a proposition to Tyler; I was turning 30 in November, how about we don’t try to get pregnant in October so that I can play a bit more basketball and soccer, and so that I can enjoy my 30th birthday. He was 100% down for this arrangement. Of course, we attended a friend’s wedding downtown in October, overnight, hotel, no kid… and peak ovulation day. We basically said, “Fuck it…Fuck you? I mean, Fuck me…?” 😉
It would have been Murphy’s Law for me to get knocked up that night. But it did not happen. Which was A-okay in our books. On-wards and Upwards, or Upwards and Inwards? ( ha I’m hilarious)
So far I think deciding when to start trying has been more stressful than the first time around; for a myriad of reasons. The first time around you’re fucking clueless and blind with excitement. Now, I can’t imagine loving another child as much as I love Callahan, but from what I understand, it does happen. Its also in fairly recent memory the unpleasant pregnancy and postpartum symptoms. What if the next pregnancy isn’t as smooth as the last? What if there are complications? Say the world just keeps getting worse, do we want to subject another child to that? Plus we have Callahan to remind us every day of what the next kid could be like… or the exact opposite of. There’s no way to tell! You’re just fucking flipping a coin and hoping for the best!
In the end, it came down to the fact that we cannot expect any cousins for Callahan any time soon (which is totally fine, our siblings are all younger than us and there is no rush), but it means Callahan needs a sibling so he doesn’t become too spoiled. But also, so that he has a sibling he can be friends with. I also just wanted the unpleasant physical parts of pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum to be over. I didn’t want to drag it out and wait years, allowing me to forget things about the process, or adding complicating factors that sometimes come with age. Plus, you don’t know what life holds for you, so we figured, let’s get at it.
Whenever it happens, if it happens, we’ll be excited, we’ll be calmer, we’ll be more aware of what lies ahead, and yet totally unprepared for handling a toddler and a child. At least the next time, the baby won’t have to sleep in the kitchen!
Excuse me while I try and get as much sashimi and booze in me while I still can.