While I was pregnant, I googled A LOT. I was so fascinated by the fact was growing a human, I wanted to know every cool and weird little factoid I could. I also googled a lot of things to prepare myself. And yes, to check and see if that was normal. I have a bone to pick people!!! WHY DO PREVIOUSLY PREGNANT PEOPLE HIDE THE FACTS?!?! And don’t spout off to me about amnesia and whatnot. Seriously, there were so many things I would have LOVED to know about in advance. Also, when I was searching and clicking on every post that said “Things no one tells you about pregnancy” they were all the same lists, and all common knowledge.
Things No One Tells You:
- Maternity Clothes are fucking boring. You are excited about all
the cute things you’ll get to wear; you’ll be just as stylish as all those celebrities, but on a budget. NOPE. That’s a hard pass little miss. What is available to you in stores, is matronly and pricey. Oh and if you do find cute things, they’re likely online, in a foreign currency, with no way to try them on, and oh yea, you’ll have to give up that baby your cooking to be able to afford it.
- Materinty pants SUCK. You think they will be the best given the lack of a wasitband, but all they do is slide down your ass with each step because THERE IS NO WAISTBAND. Seriously, don’t waste your money on pants and just stick to leggings and dresses.
- Cramping is normal. Don’t panic.
Your deoderant will at some point give out on you. And then it will give out on you again during the postpartum phase. One minute you smell like coconuts and sunshine and the next you’re sniffing around looking for that homeless guy that must be nearby, only to realize its you.
- You will chafe, and you will waddle. Even if you think you’re doing pretty good and walking normally; if you ask anyone around you, they will either lie or tell you that you do, in fact have a cute (NOT CUTE) waddle.
- If you forget a prenatal here and there don’t lose your shit, the kid is ok.
- Pregnancy pillows are a must and your bedmate will HATE it. But they can fuck right off with that complaint.
- Yeast Infections. Yup. If you’ve never had one, you’re in for a treat. I got
one at about 5 weeks and spent the rest of my pregnancy with it. Thankfully, I was not uncomfortable, only disgusted and embarrassed. And before you start giving me suggestions on how to deal with this, I tried everything under the sun and nothing caused it to subside.
- Bladder Infections are also super common, and the antibiotics are fine. Don’t stress out. Deal with it properly because it can be bad for the fetus.
- You may not feel the pregnancy hornies and may hate the touch of your partner… or anyone for that matter. Its normal, and it will probably continue through the postpartum period.
- You won’t care about your looks. For some of us, this will be the first time experiencing this phenomenon. It is AMAZING. I don’t mean you don’t care, so you don’t try (although I dabbled with that method for most of my pregnancy). What I mean is, you won’t be sucking your gut in to look skinny, you won’t be worried about if you had a big lunch, you won’t be self conscious. I remember feeling truly free during this period. I’m actually jealous of my pregnant friends because they are experiencing this amazing feeling right now.
This may not be a life changing list for you, but its what I would have loved to know. If I may pass along one thing a friend told me:
In pregnancy, everything is normal until its not normal.
So chill dude.