Holiday Gift Guide for Parents of Toddlers

Looking for gift ideas for your friends or family that have a toddler? Look no further! You’ll be the favourite friend/family member for years to come when you provide your loved ones with one of these gifts!


No, not for them, please feed the tiny monster dinner. Be prepared, this will be like trying to convince Trump to stop tweeting; “No Sir, trust us, this will be good for you.” “PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP MAKING A MESS!”

Morning-After Babysitting

The fear of having to parent hungover, is what nightmares are made of. Give them the gift of not having to deal with real life hitting them like a brick at 6am. Bonus points for having the coffee ready for them when they wake up.

House Cleaning

You’ve been to their house, you’ve seen the sticky fingerprints on everything, and the piles of paperwork, laundry, and dishes that never seem to get done. Whether you clean it for them, hire someone, or take the tiny tyrant off their hands for a day so they can FINALLY get to the bottom of their to-do list, they will feel like they’ve been to therapy and had a massive breakthrough, not breakdown.

A Barrel of Coffee

Not Costco sized. A 50L drum of coffee.

A New Coffee Machine

They’ve probably worn theirs out. It needs an on button, and a brew button. Easy to use even when deliriously tired.

Babysit the Doggo

This one needs to be repeated.

Do they have a furry friend in the family? Is the little fluff ball being ignored on the regular? Or is the canine companion annoying as shit and not helping itself out? Take the dog for a day or weekend. Get it groomed (especially nails clipped), and give the dog the attention it’s owners wish they could give him. Burn all the dogs energy before returning it home, so that it does nothing but sleep for 2 days.


Booze is always a good gift.

Things NOT to get them

Toys for their kid that make lots of noise.

Anything breakable.

Hobbies, don’t get them anything that could be considered “a hobby”. They ain’t got time for that.

Books. They do not have the time for such a luxury.

Holiday Gift Guide for Parents of Toddlers

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Holiday Gift Guide for Parents of Babies

So your friend or family member had a baby, and keep telling you they are fine, and that they don’t need anything. THEY ARE LYING. They will always need something. Get two birds stoned… I mean, kill two birds with one stone, and use this Holiday Gift Guide as your “shopping” list this holiday season. You can also use this list any time of the year when a new baby is involved!

Pre-made Freezer Meals

Lasagna, casserole, roasts, know how to make it? Can pop it in the crock pot? Done and done! This will make their lives so much easier. And they will never stop thanking you… unless you skimped on the cheese.

Don’t even cook for yourself? Get them a subscription to a Food Delivery Service!


This comes with a caveat; if the baby is brand new, they probably won’t be too keen to leave the baby with you for any length of time. BUT you could come over and watch the baby while they shower, or have a nap, or go to the gym. It also gives them a nice introduction into the world of babysitters, without too much commitment or trust involved. The only people new parents have any trust in is their doctor/midwife, and eventually they bring the grandparents into the inner circle.

Pet Duty

Yes, for the love of God, please take their pets (especially in those first few weeks). Even just for a few hours will make a difference. You can bet your ass the Virign Mary would have jumped for joy had someone taken those fucking farm animals outta the manger for a few hours.

Run Their Errands

Pick up the groceries (or do the grocery shopping if they don’t have access to online shopping), pick up prescriptions or other necessities. They need to take the car in to change the tires or get a service? Take it in for them! Mow the lawn, clean the house, fold the laundry. Whatever is needed. Help them lighten the load.

Coffee, Booze, Uppers, Downers

Whatever they need to survive.

Older Sibling Duty

Do they have another kid? Take that kid off their hands for a few hours, a day, a weekend. Or you could just come over and entertain the kid so they stop poking the baby.


When it comes to new parents, and small babies, anything that can ease the “ships going down!” feeling they are constantly experiencing is helpful. Buying them things, isn’t going to help. But bringing them food/coffee, or a little bit of your time is priceless. If you recently had a baby yourself, listening to their complaints (without the, “oh ya my baby was way worse, you’re lucky!”) will go a long way, and if they ask, pieces of advice for what worked for you can be appreciated. But not too much advice. It’s a fine line. But definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY, tell them they are doing great and it will all settle down in no time.

Holiday Gift Guide


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